The Present

 Hello Bloggers, Today I am going to be showing you my improved present writing. I highlighted some words yellow and some words green. I highlighted the words green for Adjectives. I highlighted the yellow words for Nouns. Adjectives are describing words. Nouns are doing things, people, and a place. I  have  not finished highlighting my writing.  To do this I had to watch a video. I feel proud that I have done a lot of writing.  Do you think my writing makes sense?

THE PRESENT

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM There were flashing lights coming from the TV. There was a  Light browned haired boy playing on the Flash TV. It was very Dull.  He was in his clean living room. The boy's hair was straight. He had light brown eyes. He had light rosy pink cheeks. The boy was wearing a dark blue jersey. His short haired mum came in holding a light brown cardboard box. She kicked the door shut, with her foot. The colour of the box was the colour of cookie dough without chocolate chips. The  box was unsealed. His mum put the box right in front of the boy just like a present. He said “Mum.” In an Angry toned voice. The mum opened the curtains. The boy was squinting because it was so bright for him. Then the mum said  “ Why don't you open your present and turn off the TV.” The boy said “For me?” In a surprised voice, So he turned the TV off and opened the present. ding ding ding ding the phone rang, the mum picked the phone up.  A dog popped right out of the box, that the mum came in with. The boy was AMAZED, that there was a dog. The dog had golden fur and brown eyes. The dog was a male  with a big black nose. He had one missing tiny paw. He was soft and furry. Once the  boy noticed he had one missing paw, he threw the dog away. The boy turned the TV back on, he continued to play. The dog went to the boy, put his paws on the boy's leg and started to bark. The boy kicked the dog and said “get lost!” Then the Bouncy dog found a squishy red round ball. He kicked the ball to the boy, the boy got angry and kicked the ball into the box that the dog came from. The dog ran into the box to get the ball. The boy smiled, then stopped smiling, and went back to his TV. The dog put the ball in his mouth, went back to the boy, dropped the ball and the boy looked at the ball, picked the ball up, and then broke the lower part of his leg off, the dog looked confused  then the boy  got on crutches. The dog understand after that the boy had one leg, he liked that the boy cared about him and broke his leg but he thought in his mind that he didn't have to break his leg just for him.  They both played outside with the ball. They both played fetch. 

My old sentence

One day there was a boy that was at home playing on the TV with his controller. He was in his living room.

My  Improved sentence

BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM There were flashing lights coming from the TV.

There was a boy playing on that TV. It was very Dull.

He was in the living room.